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Santa visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and Santa realizes that he absentmindedly finished the entire bowl.
"I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."
- Bedtime Football! An old man and his wife had just gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and asks, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man says... - Heart attack! Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time.
After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband... -
Terrible temptation! A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he’s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he... - Just a second! A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God
'God? You there, God?' he asked.
'Yes. What is it, my son?' God answered.
'Mind if I.. - Finding Jesus! A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister.
The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, 'Mister, are you ready to...