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    A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot, who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times, long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician's disappearing acts.
    The parrot got bored, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn't figure out.
    One night in the middle of the magician's performance, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot.
    The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard, immediately collapsing from exhaustion.
    Soon afterward, the parrot flew to the magician, perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. And stared. And stared.
    For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him.
    Eventually the magician started to stir. Looking up, he saw the parrot, still eyeing him intently, not even blinking.
    Another hour goes by, and finally the parrot squawks, "Awright, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"
  • Puke! A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along.
    Pizza thought: 'Ok. I'll let him pass, there's no hurry.'
    Two minutes later another whiskey comes by and pizza let him pass too, but two minutes later when the next one got there...
  • Crap in the carburetor Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
    That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she...
  • Too much beer A guy walks into a bar with his girlfriend.
    A very drunk man in the bar looks at the girl and says loudly, 'If you were my woman, I would lick you from top to bottom like a lollipop.'
    The boyfriend is angered and starts to get up to kick the drunken guy's ass. The girlfriend stops him, telling him...
  • Chocolate peanuts! Santa visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
    Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and...
  • Plus sign!!! Little Johnnie's parents had tried everything to help his math grade: tutors, flash cards, 'Hooked on Math,' special learning centers, everything. Finally, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
    The very first day, he came home with a very serious look on his face, went straight to...
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