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    Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Hongkong. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys.
    The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
    "No problem," said the physician, "I'll get it for you."
    While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the physician's shoe and spat in it.
    When he returned with the coke, the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
    Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and spat in it.
    The Physician returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
    As the plane was landing, the Physician slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
    "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
  • Avoid ducks! Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven.
    When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven... don't step on the ducks.'
    So, they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
    It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although...
  • The Captain! Observing a light across the water, the captain had his signalman instruct the other vessel to change her course ten degrees south.
    The response was prompt, 'Change your course ten degrees north.'
    'I am a captain,' he responded testily. 'Change your...
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    'Chronic syphilis, Sir.'
    'What treatment are you getting?'
    'Five minutes with...
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    'God dammit, I missed,' says the doctor.
    The sky starts to darken a bit becoming overcast.
    'Don't use the Lord God's name in...
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    The parrot got bored, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot...
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