Eternally grateful !

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    John is down on his luck in Las Vegas. He has gambled away all his money and has to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men's room. The stall happens to be open and he uses the dime in a slot machine and hits the jackpot.
    He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his small winnings into a million dollars.
    Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, John goes on the lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he is eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man he will share his fortune with him.
    After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the dime."
    "You aren't the one I'm looking for. I mean the guy who left the door open!"
  • Raffle ticket! A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away.
    At the end of the Service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.They hear a faint moan.
    They open the casket and find that...
  • Avoid ducks! Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven.
    When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven... don't step on the ducks.'
    So, they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
    It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although...
  • The Captain! Observing a light across the water, the captain had his signalman instruct the other vessel to change her course ten degrees south.
    The response was prompt, 'Change your course ten degrees north.'
    'I am a captain,' he responded testily. 'Change your...
  • Chronic disease! An army Major visiting the sick army men, went to one soldier and asked, 'What's your problem, Soldier?'
    'Chronic syphilis, Sir.'
    'What treatment are you getting?'
    'Five minutes with...
  • I missed! A priest and doctor were out golfing. The doctor gets up to take his first shot. He swings and misses the ball completely.
    'God dammit, I missed,' says the doctor.
    The sky starts to darken a bit becoming overcast.
    'Don't use the Lord God's name in...
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