Attractive offer!

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    A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.
    After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill.
    He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
    A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him. The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns.
    Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
  • Wrong dentures! This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.
    The first Sunday, he only preached ten minutes.
    The second Sunday, he preached only twenty minutes.
    But, on the third Sunday...
  • Big John! One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
    At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and...
  • Interesting topic! A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
    Little Johnnie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and...
  • Lawyer in a family For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn.
    The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with...
  • Animal Complaints It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.
    The elephant complained, 'Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!'
    The Lord said, 'Don't complain. It lets...
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