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It was opening night at the theatre and people came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As the hypnotist took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as he withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth,light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"Shit" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theater.
- Attractive offer! A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed about the church... - Troubling end! One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets.
He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The tech looked at his rifle, and then... - Wrong dentures! This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.
The first Sunday, he only preached ten minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only twenty minutes.
But, on the third Sunday... - Big John! One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and... - Interesting topic! A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
Little Johnnie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and...