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Jimmy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks Jimmy, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Jimmy replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty two; your hair, twenty three; and your figure, eighteen." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Jimmy his reward, he stops her by saying...
"WHOA, hold on there sweety!"Jimmy interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!"
- Woman's arm! A preacher, who shall we say was 'humor impaired,' attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, 'The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't... - Attractive offer! A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed about the church... - Troubling end! One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets.
He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The tech looked at his rifle, and then... - Wrong dentures! This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.
The first Sunday, he only preached ten minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only twenty minutes.
But, on the third Sunday... - Big John! One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and...