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Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.
Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.
"Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?"
God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."
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Great hypnotist! It was opening night at the theatre and people came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As the hypnotist took to the stage, he announced, 'Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize... - Woman's arm! A preacher, who shall we say was 'humor impaired,' attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, 'The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't... - Attractive offer! A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed about the church... - Troubling end! One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets.
He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The tech looked at his rifle, and then... - Wrong dentures! This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.
The first Sunday, he only preached ten minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only twenty minutes.
But, on the third Sunday...