Entry to Heaven!

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    "If I sold my house, my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class.
    "NO!" the children all answered.
    "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
    Again, the answer was, "NO!
    "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again.
    Again, they all answered, "NO!"
    "Well," Robert continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
    A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
  • Bad horse The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the Duke of Edinburgh over for a cup of tea. The conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was telling the Duke about her new prize horse.
    After a spell of ranting and raving over this horse...
  • Drowning!!! One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world twenty feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever.
    The diver went below another twenty feet, and the guy...
  • Nothing to worry! While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and George looked out of the window.
    'Good lord!' he screamed, 'one of the engines just blew up!'
    Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another...
  • Praying Johnny! Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.
    Panicked he started to pray...
  • Who's fastest! Santa's son and two of his friends were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship.
    He said, 'My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can bowl a 90-kmph fast ball and run and catch it just after it crosses the wickets at...
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