•  

    One day a man was digging a hole to plant a tree in his back yard. After digging about 2 feet he hit a lamp, so he picked it up and brushed it off. Suddenly out popped a Genie who said he would grant him three wishes.
    "Great!" the man explained.
    "However," said the genie, "I must know who you hate the most."
    "I hate that lawyer down the street the most." the man said.
    "Well," said the genie, "whatever you wish for, the lawyer gets double that."
    Eager to get his wishing started, the man exclaimed, "I wish I had a billion dollars!"
    Poof! there was a million dollars next to him.
    "Now remember the lawyer has 2 million dollars," said the genie.
    Once again the man blurted out a wish impatiently. "I wish I had a Lemo and a driver!"
    Poof! Suddenly there was a Lemo and a driver in his driveway.
    "Remember, the lawyer has 2 Lemo's and 2 drivers." the genie said. "This is your final wish, make it a good one."
    After a long period of thought, the man grabbed his shovel and handed it to the genie. Then he exclaimed, "I wish you would beat me HALF to DEATH.
  • Career graph! The boss called one of his employees into the office.
    'Joe,' he said, 'you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four months later...
  • Play at night! A foursome, including Banta, goes out on the course, only to find themselves waiting on every hole for the most inept golfers they've ever seen, who are playing in front of them.
    After a few holes, they start yelling them, but that doesn't seem to speed their game up. By the time they've finished their round, they're so...
  • Men's room! A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer.
    The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him. 'Look,' said the customer, 'I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?'
    'Sure', said the bartender, and he did.
    'Now,' said the customer, 'I...
  • Bad luck! A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50.
    Exasperated, she exclaims, 'What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?'
    A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests...
  • Last wish! Father John walked into a pub, and said to the first man he met, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
    The man said, 'I do Father.'
    The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
    Then the priest asked the second man...
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT