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    When Bob's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.
    Bob told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living. I think I'm going to top myself."
    "Don't be stupid, Bob," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left me too, yet I'm happy."
    "How?" asked Bob.
    "Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Bob, what work do you do?"
    "I clean out septic tanks." Bob replied.
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    One little boy said, 'It's about time I be getting home because if I'm late for supper...

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    As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes...

  • Perfect man! Joe walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Bryan.'
    'Who?'...
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    'To you, my loving wife Rachelwho stood by me in rough times, as well as good...
  • Rooster replacement Banta was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car and up floated a cloud of feathers.
    Shaken, Banta pulled over...
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