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    This blonde was bored with driving her old BMW. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. So she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?
    At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.
    "That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?
    Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."
    "Let me have look."
    He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.
    "Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"
    "Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.
    Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do I have to do that?"
  • Girlfriend! After directory assistance gave Rosy, her boyfriend's new telephone number, she dialed him -- and got a woman.
    'Is Adam there?' Rosy asked.
    'He's in the shower,' she responded.
    'Please tell him his girlfriend...
  • Oversmart! They turned on a night light, turned the answer machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and threw the cat into the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had thrown...
  • Atheist professor An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God.
    He said, 'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you...
  • Three Blondes A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, 'Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?'
    The big woman replies, Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know...
  • Speed limit Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22MPH.
    He thinks to himself, 'This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!'
    So he turns on his lights and pulls...
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