-
A man is walking home through a park one night after a fancy dress party. While he is walking home he feels the need to s**t so he crouches down on the grass and does his business.
Just as he is finishing he sees a policeman walking towards him.
He covers the s**t with his hat. When the policeman arrives he asks the man, "What have you go under there?"
The man replies, "I just caught the fastest thing in the world."
The policeman says, "Let me have a look."
The man replies, "As I said, it's the fastest thing in the world. If I take the hat off it it will get away."
The policeman tells the man, "Take the top hat off and as soon as you do I will catch it."
The man replies, "OK if you insist."
When the man lifts the top hat the policeman tries to grab it and gets a handful of s**t.
"What's this?" he screams at the man. "I told you it was the fastest thing in the world." the man replies, "But you sure scared the s**t out of it."
-
Self Refilling A drunk guy was stumbling home one day when he got lost and found himself in the bush. He fell to the ground and noticed a lamp. He picked it up, and rubbed it, and out came a... - Stages of Drunk This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen...
-
Ferrari vs Dog A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field about 5-6 miles from his farm. To get there he must drive his tractor, and his dog old Joe trots along beside him. Halfway through the plowing... -
Lipstick Problem A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. After applying lipstick in the bathroom they would then press their lips... -
Puking Captain A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a large evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over...