Mature Jokes

A man enters a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms.
The Pharmacist asks, "What size?"
The man replies, "I do not know...

A superintendent of a large, apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a rather snooty tenant`s clogged toilet. Going to her apartment, where the female...

The wax museum just acquired a very good wax figure of ex prez Bill Clinton. They had it arranged to show him in an authoritative stance in front of several staff members set on a stage made up like the oval office...

The priest leaned closer to hear the girl`s confession. "So me and my cousin were alone in the house," she continued, "and went up to my bedroom..."
"Go on, my child," said the priest gently...

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher."
She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to...

An old woman was taken to a gynecologist for the very first time, and of course the gynecologist was a very young and handsome fellow. The doctor was very thorough in his examination, and of course the old woman...

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn`t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started...

Dirty Little Johnny climbs onto Santa`s lap at the department store. Santa says, "I`ll bet I know what you want for Christmas."
And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose...

A man took his son to the zoo. They found the monkey cage very entertaining until the father noticed two monkeys in a compromising position which embarrassed him to no end because his son was watching...

This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car. A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guy got out, shaking like a leaf. The cop said that he wouldn`t...