Mature Jokes

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" he asked.
"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $200 to do what I do for you for free... The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags.

"What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.

"Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you live on $400 a year in Las Vegas!"

On their first date, a man asked his companion if she`d like a drink with dinner. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said. Later, he offered her a cigarette. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school...

In Little Johnny`s classroom, the teacher gave the class a homework assignment. She wanted them to tell the class one talent that they had and that they were especially good at. The next day the Teacher calls on...

A man was shopping in the men`s department at John Lewis when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter. He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam." She smiled pleasantly and asked...

During an international gynecology conference, an English doctor and a French doctor were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently. "Only last week," the Frenchman said, "a woman came to see me with a clitoris...

Greg was explaining the facts of life to his teenage nephew. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of lovemaking. "One thing to keep in mind is that different women say different things...

Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with "Somebody`s gonna get it tonight...

The teacher decided that in science class, she would teach her students about different materials. Standing at the front of the class, she asked, "Children, if you were able to have one raw material in the world, what would it be...

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat`, agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, that night...

All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride`s father storm up the aisle...