Mature Jokes

This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note "Off to the grocery store!"
He hasn`t been *getting any* from her, so he decides this is his chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn...

Fanny and Myron get married and on their first night in bed, Myron puts his arm around Fanny and very sweetly whispers, "Fanny darling, please pull up your nightgown."
Very sweetly Fanny answers...

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married...

Bob`s father and friends were throwing him the best bachelor party ever. There were hookers and strippers, tons of food, and best of all, some great porno flicks. Feeling the beer...

Woke up this morning, got dressed and went in the kitchen where my wife was already fixing breakfast.
I looked to see what she was cooking, and I see one of my socks in the frying pan...

A man comes home one day to find his wife standing in front of an old ornate mirror hanging on the closet door. "Where did you get that piece of junk?" he asks...

I came home from work early to find my wife without any clothes on.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Erm... I thought we could have a bit of fun...

Tommy discovered his wife was cheating with another guy, so he went to the guy`s wife and told her about it. "I know what we will do," she said. "Let`s take revenge on him...

A man found his wife in bed with the next door neighbour. He shoved him against the wall and aimed his shotgun at his testicles, "I`m gonnablow your goddamn balls...

A hotel holds three weddings on the same day and at the end of the night the three grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over a couple of night-caps...