Mature Jokes

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got...

This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my...

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce...

Woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" The husband asks, "What happened?
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a...

A man was talking to his friend at the bar.

The friend said, "Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands...

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt...

Two friends were at a bar discussing life and love.
One said, "Would you believe that out of all the women I've been with not a one of them was a virgin...

When a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor...

Hi! How are you?
Fine. But I think I have a sore throat…
I know what to do. Every time when I have a sore throat I'm having an oral sex...

My girlfriend was in labour with our first child.
She was shouting, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs...