Mature Jokes

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me darling wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub...

Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?
Woman 2: Yes.
Woman 1: Was it good?
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster...

A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband. "Don’t you love him anymore?" asked the lawyer.
"Oh, I still love him," the chick replied...

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the woman felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers...

There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon, but couldn't because of their wives objections. So one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course...

Mr. Watson asked his wife for advice about his upcoming court case in which he could possibly win $50,000 from the insurance company.
"Honey, if I lie, I'll win the case. But then I would have broken...

At the funeral home, the undertaker is trying to get Paul in his casket ready for viewing later that evening.
After having tried to no avail to close the cover, he phones Paul's wife to find out...

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Alice Chapman stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband...

On their wedding night, the bride approached her husband and asked for $50 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love...

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You’ve got to make love to me this very moment...