Mature Jokes

A man is having problems with his penis, which certainly had seen better times.
He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, 'Sorry, but you've overdone it the last thirty years. Your penis is burned out. You only have...

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary.
The old woman said, 'We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon.'
'Uh huh,' said the old man.
'We will do...

A man walks into a drug store with his 10-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?'
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex.'
'Oh I see,' replied the boys pensively. 'Yes, I've heard of that in...

A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it.
An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly.
The passerby asks...

A young girl comes home to her mother's house and informs her that she is engaged to be married.
She says, 'Mother, he's wonderful. He's rich beyond our wildest dreams. He has homes in the south of France, Beverly Hills, New York, and about a dozen other cities. He has a 200 ft yacht, Ferraris, Rolls Royces, and a jet airplane. There is only one problem....

Robert and Julie, a nice young couple, were getting married and planned on living with Julie`s mother until they could establish a place of their own. On their wedding night, they went upstairs and were getting ready for bed.
Robert started to get undressed, taking off his shirt first, and he had...

This 70 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing.
Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.
He watches her awhile then says, 'You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?'
She says, 'I just got...

Sunday morning... Pappu is just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So he heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
'Hello?' Says a little girl`s voice.
'It`s Daddy,' Says Pappu. 'Is Mommy near the phone?'After a brief pause, 'But...

This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn`t wait to go into town, tease the barmaids and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, 'Honey, I`ll be right back...'
'Where are you going coochy cooh...?', asked the wife.
'I`m going to the bar, pretty face. I`m going to have a beer.'
The wife says to him...

A mother is with her 5 year old boy at the zoo when they reach the elephant cage.
The 5 year old boy looks with amazement at the large beast and says to his Mom, 'What`s that long thing hanging down from the elephant?'
Mom replies 'That`s his trunk.'
The little boy goes, 'I know that, the thing to the other side..