Mature Jokes

Santa enters his favorite restaurant and, while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby, all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying...

Banta was relaxing at his favorite bar in Shimla, when he managed to attract a spectacular Scandinavian-looking young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, 'So you...

Indian army recently found it had too many Majors and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away, his full annually benefits PLUS five thousand for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring Major`s body between two points he chose.
The first major accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from...

There was once a great actor, Banta, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, 'This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a...

Powerfully built Santa meets a woman at a bar in Ludhiana. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, Santa stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says..

Santa goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, 'Sir, I`m afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is...

Santa was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank.
Santa thought to himself, 'Life isn`t so bad after all,' and...

Banta keeps telling his wife, Preeto, 'Honey, you have such a beautiful butt'. Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful butt.
Banta`s birthday is coming up so Preeto decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words 'Beautiful butt' tattooed on her...

A dentist was getting ready to clean an Jeeto`s teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...
'Do you know how they make these rubber...

Santa and his son attended a horse auction with his father. Son is watching Santa as he moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses` legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, son asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
'Because...