Mature Jokes

"Late again?" Miss Crabtree scolded Little Johnny.
"It ain`t my fault," said Little Johnny. "This is my Daddy`s fault. Im three hours late cause Daddy sleeps naked...

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard the garage door open.

"Hurry!" she cried. "Stand in the corner!"
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then...

St. Peter asks the Jewish man why he deserves to be in Heaven. He replies, "I`ve been a pious Jew all my life, attended synagogue every Saturday, and I raised a lot of money for Jewish causes...

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone...

An Irish golfer slices his tee shot into the woods. Looking for it, he finds it near a tiny man lying near a bush with this huge knot on his head. The golfer revives the leprechaun. When he awakes, he says...

Little Johnny was playing in the backyard when some honeybees started annoying him. He tried to stomp on them, but his father reprimanded him, saying, "Stop that, John! Now you`ll get no honey for a month...

Josh lusted after Linda. When she finally agreed to go out with him, he took her out to dinner and then afterwards, drove her five miles out into the country, parked, and said passionately, "I want you right here...

Lena and Sven got married in St. Paul. They planned to honeymoon in Lena`s aunt`s cabin in Duluth. They caught a bus that was filled with deer hunters. About 30 minutes out of St. Paul the bus broke down right nex...

In the Spring of 1957, Bobby, a real cool cat with his own wheels, went to pick up his date. "Carrie`s not ready yet, Bobby. Why don`t you have a seat?" says her dad.

"Okay," says Bobby...

Little Johnny and Mary were playing in the backyard when Mary asked, "Johnny, what`s a penis?"
"I don`t know," replied Little Johnny, "but I`ll ask my dad...