| Groucho Marx supposedly got the hook while hosting a live broadcast of his famous TV quiz show, You Bet Your Life. As this micro-legend has it, Groucho was small-talking with a female contestant when the following exchange took place: GROUCHO: So, you got any kids? FEMALE CONTESTANT: Yes, Groucho, I have eleven children. GROUCHO: Eleven?! Did you say eleven kids? FEMALE CONTESTANT: Well, I love my husband. GROUCHO: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. |
| A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies. "Are you feeling OK?" he asked. "Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," she admitted. "Is there a name for my condition?" "Why yes, there is," he said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch. "It's called 'Good News'." |
| One Sunday morning, a young woman, who needed forgiveness for her sins, came to a Baptist church. She got up in front of the congregation and stated, "Last week, I slept with a young soldier who picked me up at a bar and now I ask the Lord's forgiveness." "Hallelujah!", cried the congregation. She continued, "Two days ago, I slept with a young sailor, but now I ask the Lord's forgiveness." "Hallelujah!", cried the congregation again. "But tonight, because I have come here and done my penance, I will sleep with the Lord," she finished. But before the congregation could respond, an old drunk in the back yelled out in a clear voice, "That's fucking great... fuck 'em all." |
| There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "This should impress him!" He showed his son a machine and said, "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages." The prudish son, unimpressed, said, "Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?" The father, furious, thought and said, "Yes son, we call it your mother." |