| The doggies held a conference. They came from near and far, some of them by aeroplane and some by motor car. They gathered in the hallway to sign the visitors book. Then each dog took his a$$hole off and hung it on a hook. When they were assembled, each pure breed dame and sire, some dirty rotten ba$tard came in and shouted "FIRE". The dogs were in a panic, they had no time to look, so each dog grabbed an a$$hole, off the nearest hook. The dogs were very angry, it really made them sore, to wear anothers a$$hole, they'd never worn before, so that is why you'll always see, a dog will leave a bone, to sniff anothers a$$hole, to see if it's his own. |
| Police officers Joe and Mary had been assigned to walk the beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning and forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them." Joe replied, "We don't have to go back, just give Scooby, my trusty police dog, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you." It was a hot day, and Mary didn't feel like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Scooby’s nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Scooby’s ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house. Five minutes go by and no sign of Scooby. Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen. Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry. Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Scooby rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's balls in his mouth! |
| A guy has a horny parrot. It's terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet. The vet examines the bird extensively, says, "Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for 500 rupees your bird can go in the cage with mine." The guy's parrot is listening and says, "Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for??" Finally, the guy says all right and hands over the money. The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain. Suddenly, "Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!" Feathers come flying out of the cage. The vet says, "Holy gee," and runs across the room and opens the curtain. The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage with one claw. With the other claw he's pulling out all her feathers. He's saying, "For five hundred, I want you naked. Naked!" |
| One day a lion was walking around the jungle sad and lonely, when he spotted a monkey up in a tree. He yelled up to the monkey to come down and play, but the monkey was too scared. So the lion asked the monkey what he could do to make him feel comfortable enough to come down. The monkey said, "If you tie yourself up I'll come down." So the lion ties himself up, but as the monkey came down he started shaking. The lion said, "Hey, monkey, you don't have to be scared! I'm not going to eat you; I'm tied up real tight." "I know," said the monkey. "That's not why I'm shaking." "So why are you shaking?" asked the lion. "Well," said the monkey, "it's just that I've never had sex with a lion before." |