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Message Center
A blonde went into a global message center to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost 200 bucks, she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in France!"
The man arched an eyebrow, "Anything?" "Yes, absolutely anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me."
He walked into the next room and ordered her to come in and close the door. She did.
He then said, "Get on your knees."
She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper."
She did.
He said, "Go ahead... take it out."
She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "Hello.... MOM?" -
Pregnant Blonde
A bonde walked up to the information desk in her local hospital and said, "I, need, to see the upturn, please."
"I think, you mean the 'intern,' don't you?" asked the nurse on duty.
"Yes," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination."
"Don't you mean 'examination,'" the nurse questioned her again.
"Well I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway."
"I'm sure you mean the maternity ward."
To which the blonde replied "Upturn, intern, contamination, examination fraternity, maternity.... What's the difference? All I know is I, haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant." -
Police Dog
On a hot day, a blonde stopped at the tavern for a cold beer, leaving his hound dog tied to a parking meter in front of the joint.
One beer led to another, and soon a cop came in and said, "Is that your dog outside?"
"Sure is", said the blonde.
"Well, I want you to know she's in heat", said the cop.
"No she ain't. I tied her in the shade".
"No, no! I mean she needs to be bred."
"That's stupid. How can a dog be a loaf of bread?"
The exasperated cop said, "I mean she needs to be fucked!"
"Oh. Well go ahead and fuck her. I always wanted a police dog. -
Cowboy Sex
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks, "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy... '
"And here I am."