| "Miss Veronica, we can't employ you as a model," the editor from the men's magazine explained. "Why?" "It's too obvious that your blonde hair isn't natural, since the hair between your legs is black." The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor's fingers. "What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded. She smiled sweetly and said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And they've only been banged once." |
| This Blonde goes to a restaurant and orders a scoop of vanilla ice cream, a scoop of strawberry ice cream and a scoop of chocolate ice cream. The waiter says, "Miss, we have no chocolate." So the Blonde says that`s okay she will have a vanilla milk shake, a strawberry milk shake and a chocolate milk shake. Once again the waiter tells her, "Miss, we have no chocolate!" Once again the Blonde changes her order and says she will have vanilla cake, strawberry cake, and chocolate cake. This time the waiter is mad and shouts, "Let me try to explain this to you. Do you see the word van in the word vanilla?" The Blonde replies, "Yes." The waiter then asks her if she sees the word straw in the word strawberry and she once again replies "yes." Then he asks her if she sees the word fuck in the word chocolate and the Blonde says "There`s no fuck in chocolate." And the waiter exclaims, "Exactly! There`s no fuckin` chocolate!" |
| A blonde agrees to accompany a young guy on a date. On the fixed night this guy arrives at her house and knocks the door. To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I`m sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I`ll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you, though, they are both deaf mutes." With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable as both of the parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching golf on TV, and Mom is busy knitting. After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mom jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, and pours a glass of water over her fanny. Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye. The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening. The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goings earlier in the living room. At the end of the night, the blonde asks, "What`s the matter? Have I done something wrong?" "No, its not you," he replied, "It`s just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind. Then, as if that weren`t enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick by his eye." "Oh, is that all?" replies the blonde. The man can`t believe her casual response. "That`s how they communicate!, Mom was simply saying, "Are you going to get this asshole a drink?" and Dad was replying, "No, fuck him - I`m watching the match." |
| A Blonde was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid, " she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked. "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too. The poor blonde prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic. "Slut!" he said, and dropped her. |