| Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy, planned the robbery and went over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail. The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank, stopped the car and said to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?" "Perfectly," replied Buffie. Buffie went in the bank while Judy waited in the getaway car. One minute passed...three minutes pass...seven minutes pass...and Judy was really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came Buffie. She had a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she got the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard`s pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he was firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Judy yelled, "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!" Buffie said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!" "No, you idiot," snapped Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said, `Tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!`" |
| Two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are walking down the street and pass by a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. The brunette sighs and says, "Oh damn, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...for no reason." The blonde looks quizzically at her and asks, "What`s wrong, don`t you like getting flowers?" The brunette replies, "Oh sure...but he always has expectations after buying me flowers, and I really don`t feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde asks, "Don`t you have a vase?" |
| A very flat-chested blonde decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall to find one of her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?" The clerk haughtily replied in the negative. So, she proceeded to another department store where she was rebuffed in the same manner. She then drove to K-Mart and marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and yelled: "Do you have anything for this?" The lady looked closely at her and replied: "Have you tried Clearasil?" |
| A blonde man tried various methods to satisfy his wife in bed, but failed. He finally went to his best friend whose advice was, "Hire a big strong black man to stand near your bed and wave a huge towel over both of you, while you are having sex. Your wife is sure to have an orgasm." So, he hired a strong black man, hopped into bed and made hot love, while the huge guy waved the towel. But, all his efforts were in vain. His wife did not have an orgasm. So, the exasperated husband went back to his friend and told him what had happened. He was advised to switch places with the big guy, "Why don`t you wave the towel, while the strong man does the job in bed?" He readily agreed to this, saying he would do anything to satisfy his wife. He hired the same guy again and instructed him to trade places. The strong guy made wild, hot, crazy love to his wife, while he stood and waved the towel. Naturally, his wife had a divine orgasm. Seeing this, he leaned over to the black guy and proudly said: "You see! That`s how you have to wave the towel." |