| In 1983, China launched an extensive 12 month program that was carefully designed to teach the fundamentals of birth control to the rural populace. Doctors and nurses were televised demonstrating the use of condoms and birth control pills. The people were encouraged to faithfully practice these techniques. The following year, the program was declared a complete failure; the birth rate had actually increased. The experts were puzzled, until a survey was conducted. The survey revealed that most of the rural Chinese people were faithfully following the birth control techniques; 79% of the men were taking the pill every day, and 98% of them were carefully putting a condom on their index fingers before sex - just as demonstrated on TV. |
| A British tourist visits a brothel in Germany. What happens is hilarious. Geoffrey, a middle-aged British tourist on his first visit to Germany finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and walks quickly away. The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Geoffrey's. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves. Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson. So she goes over to Geoffrey and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap. He leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Pounds?" |
| An Irish couple was watching a discovery channel special about an African black bush tribe. The men in that tribe all had 24 inches long penises. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end to a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches. Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said: How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure? The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis. A few days later, the wife asked the husband: How is our little tribal experiment coming along? Husband: Well, it looks like we're about half way there. Wife: Wow!!! You mean it's grown to 12 inches? Husband: No, it's turned black. Note: please do not try this at home. |
| The Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife, "Ya now sumptin' womon, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station... Bell 1 rings - we put on de jacket. Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole. Bell 3 rings - we jump on de engine and we's ready to go. "From now on womon, when I say, 'Bell one' I want you to strip naked. When I say, 'Bell two' you jump on de bed. And when I say, 'Bell three' we's gonna mek love all tru de night girl." The next night, he came home and shouted, "Bell One" and the wife stripped naked! "Bell Two" and she jumped on the bed! "Bell Three" and they started to make love! After a few minutes, the wife yelled out, "Bell Four" "WOMON... What de hell is Bell Four'?" he asked. She shouted back, "ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, MAAN, YOU AIN'T NOWHERE NEAR DE FIRE!!" |