| An Aussie bought two cases of beer on sale at the Beer Store. He placed them on the front seat and headed back home. He stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. Although it was very cold she was wearing a very short skirt and a light jacket which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on the passenger window. With her bra-less breasts almost falling out her skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice, "I am a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" He thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer ya got?" |
| An Australian is walking across the Welsh countryside when he spots a Welshman in one of the fields, going hard at it with one of his sheep. With no hesitation, the man jumps over the fence and walks over to the Welshman, tapping him on the shoulder. "You know mate, back where I'm from, we shear those." The Welshman looks around frantically. "Fuck off mate!" he says, "I'm not sharing this with no-one!" |
| A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new city outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, answered, "Yes ma'am, ya see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete outfit." Well, her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where he would like to start?" "Well ma'am, how about a suit?" "Yes sir, what size?" "Size 53... tall, ma'am." "Wow, that's really big." "Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas." "What's next?" she asked. He replied, "How about some shoes." "What size?" "Size 15... double D." "Wow, that's really big!" "Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas." "What's next?" "Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt." "Yes sir, what size?"v "Nineteen and a half... 38," he replied. "Wow, that's really big!" "Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas." She virtually glowed as she asked, "Whew... is there anything else I can do for you?" "No ma'am , I reckon that will be all." Well she tallied up his bill while the Texan was counting out his money. She asked, "Sir, could I ask you a question?" "Yes ma'am, I already know what it is and the answer is four inches." She is astonished and blurts out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!" Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "Across ma'am?" |
| On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me... I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Australian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman replied, with a smile, "Very sporting of your Mother." |