| An older lady was out shopping when she notices a very expensive boutique advertising, "DRESSES AND HATS ON SALE." She can't resist a sale and goes inside and starts trying on dresses and hats. After awhile, she finds only a hat that she really likes and buys it. When she steps back outside, a fierce wind has picked up on her way down the street to the bus stop. While she is standing there at her stop, she is quite worried that the wind might blow off her brand new hat. So she holds on to it with both hands. Not paying mind to anything else, she soon feels a tap on her shoulder and turns to see a young man there who says, "Excuse me, ma'am, but why are you just holding your hat while your dress is blowing clear up to your elbows?" The old woman replies, "Son, I've had what's under this dress for almost eighty-six years, but I've only had this hat for half an hour!" |
| A guy is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for paying a prostitute for sex. "How do you plead?" asks the judge, to the defendant. "Not Guilty, your honor." Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds, "How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we have both the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged prostitute right here on tape?" "Easy," says the defendant, "I'll admit to the court that although I wasn't engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing another 'heinous' crime, gambling." "Gambling?" responds the prosecutor, "How so?" "Well you see," answers the defendant, "I went up to the young lady earlier that night as she was working in a topless bar and said to her, 'I'll bet you $100 that you don't get to have sex with me tonight'. "That videotape is just footage of me losing the bet!" |
| The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy. "Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Yana," the old man replied. "Sir, Yana is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Yana." Just then Yana appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon the man calmly left. The next night he appeared again demanding Yana. Yana explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... it was still $1,000. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he calmly left an hour later. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Yana the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Yana questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row... where are you from?" The old man replied, "I am from Minsk." "Really?" replied Yana, "I have a sister who lives there." "Yes, I know," said the old man. "She gave me $3,000 to give to you." |
| Anni, a former prostitute with a rather well-used vagina that has been somewhat stretched is given a proposal of marriage from Sam who met in a bar one night. She thinks it over, and she decides to accept his proposal. Anni's private parts are somewhat oversized from her former occupation, but she decides to approach the problem after they are married. On their wedding night, Anni explains the problem by saying that when she was a small child, she got her privates caught on some barbed wire while climbing over a fence, explains why her vagina is so big. They make wild and passionate love for most of the night, and in the early hours of the morning, Sam, after regaining his breath, turns to her and says, "I can understand your private parts being stretched by this barbed wire, Anni dear, but just how far across the field were you before you noticed?" |