| This truck driver is cruising down this dusty ass country road, when out runs this rooster and he runs it over, killing it. He stops, and walks up to the farm, and knocks
on the door. Out steps this knock down gorgeous young woman, "What do you want," the girl says. "I'm sorry miss, but I believe I ran over your rooster and killed it," the trucker said. "Oh, I guess I'll have to get a new one." "Miss I am more than willing to replace it," replied the trucker. The farmers daughter looks hm up and down and says, "Drop your pants big boy." The trucker is confused but complies, and shows off his little friend. "I guess you'll do, the chickens are out back." |
| A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The cabbie recognized the businessman and watched as he got into the first cab in the line. After a short conversation the driver became very agitated and screamed." "Get the hell out of my cab!!" The businessman got into the next cab, had another short conversation and was again told, "Get the hell out of my cab!" The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks, and I bet you don't have any money right?" The businessman said, "I have plenty of money" and flashed a wad of bills, "Drive on" As they drove slowly past the line of cabs the businessman smiled as he gave the other cabbies the thumbs up sign. "I don't get it," said the driver, "why did the rest of the guys scream at you to get out of their cabs?" "I asked them if they'd give me a blow job for an extra $15?" |
| Clem drove his pickup alongside the road and showed his buddy Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that there tree. I remember it plain as day. It was a warm summer day... We were madly in love... We made our way down to that the tree and made love for hours," explained Clem. "That sounds amazing," exclaimed Jed. "Yep, it was goin' real well until I looked up and saw her momma standing right there watching us..." "Damn, what did her momma say when she saw you puttin' it to her daughter?" "Baaaaa..." |
| Bob, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye. "What happened to you?" asked his wife. "I had a terrible day" replied Bob. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection." "Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy laying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to bend it in half." "I see," said his wife, "that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?" Bob replied, "Wrong room..." |