| A plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived, he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite beautiful and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. About 5:30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, putting down the phone. "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off." The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief, "What? On my own time?" |
| Once upon a time there was a young redneck by the name of Jack. Jack lived and worked on a farm with the farmer, the farmer's wife and their daughter Mabel. One fine day as Jack was attending to his daily chores he saw Mabel bending over to milk the cow. He felt himself become aroused for the first time and, shocked, ran to find the farmer to explain this strange phenomena. Upon finding the farmer he proceded to drop his trousers and whip out his stiff trouser snake much to the horror of the farmer. "Farmer, farmer," Jack cried, "what is happening to my penis?" "Now settle down and put that thing away." said the farmer. "Don't worry about it. It happens to all men." "But I don't like it!" cried Jack. "Well then," said the farmer, "next time it happens just go into the milk shed, get some cow shit and rub it on your dick. It'll go down quick smart, trust me." The next day Jack was passing by the house when he looked in and saw the farmers wife having a shower. Feeling his member getting hard he rushed into the cow shed, dropped his pants and picked up two handfuls of shit. Just then Mabel walked into the shed. "What are you doing Jack?" asked Mabel. "Well," Jack replied,"I'm gonna rub this shit on my dick to make it go down." "That would be a waste." Mabel said as she laid down on the ground and lifted her skirt. "Why don't you stick it up here?" So he did. Both handfuls. |
| A man has been shipwrecked on a desert island for ten years. Then one day he is down at the shoreline when he spots a ship on the horizon. He frantically waves his arms and jumps up and down shouting, until he spies a rowboat being let down into the water from the ship. About ten minutes later the rowboat reaches the shore carrying a man in a captain's uniform. "Thank Christ for that!" says our shipwrecked hero, "I thought I was never going to be rescued." "How long have you been here?" asks the Captain. "Ten years, ten long years," replies the man. "Ten years?" says the Captain. "How have you coped all that time on your own?" "Well, I'm quite a resourceful fellow, I've built my own house; there it is, over there, Number 1!" "But ten years!" says the Captain, "ten years without sex!" "Ahhhh, well... that's not quite true," says the man shyly. "What do you mean?" inquires the Captain. "Well, about six months ago I was down here on the shore washing my feet, when I noticed an ostrich up the beach with it's head buried in the sand and it's ass facing me. Well, I thought it's been nine and a half years, so I crept up behind it and WALLOP!" "Oh God, that must have been disgusting!" cries the genuinely shocked Captain. "Well, it was alright for the first five miles, but then we got out of step." |
| A company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people. In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours and the one with the best answer would get the job. The question was: A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name? After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers. The first one says, "My answer is, there is no answer." The second one says, "My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given." The THIRD one says "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It's either, Willie Turner or Willie Nailer." HE GOT THE JOB |