| John and Brian are out and about. John notices that Brian is a bit pissy during the evening, so he finally brings up. "Yo, man, you've been cranky all damned day. What the hell is wrong with you. You're acting like you've got PMS." "Naw, I don't have PMS, but I definitely think I'm suffering from the male counterpart. I call it SRH." "SRH? What's that?" "Sperm Retention Headache." |
| Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony, a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six-pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a dime off his well-oiled buns. She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call, "Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, so she rushed right in, "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go at it all night... tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?" He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line." |
| A young American girl, on her very first trip to Paris, decided to test the French male's fabled expertise in the art of love-making. On her first date, she asked him what exactly he intended to do with her. "First," he replied, "I weel remove ze dress. Zen, I will carry you to ze bed. And zen," he added triumphantly, "I will kiss ze navel." "Big deal !!!" she said. "I've had my navel kissed before hundreds of times." "Ahhhhh, but of course!" shrugged the Frenchman.... "But... from ze inside?" |
| A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives. "Look," he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 (small) a 320 (medium) or a 330 (large). The word condom wont even be used. The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said, "350." The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament. "Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs," her boss told her. She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs. "Yes!!!!" she said. "He's got one hanging there....!" The boss said, "Go back in and give him $3.50......................He's the window cleaner |