| During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom. Michael? Michael: Just a minute, I have to go pee. Teacher: That would be rude and impolite! What about you Peter? How would you say it? Peter: I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back. Teacher: That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners? Johnny: I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after supper.' The teacher fainted!!! |
| Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor. "Father, I am sinful." "Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you." "Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her." "That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake." "Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too." "That's not very good of you." "Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too." "Father?......... Father?" Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the priest was not there. So he began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?" He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?" "Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me." |
| Little Johnny had a first date lined up with a woman he had been after for quite a while. When she finally consented to go out with him, he wanted to plan the most romantic evening he could. He picked her up at her apartment, and then drove out to the beach. Little Johnny had prepared very carefully for this date and brought out a blanket for them to sit upon the sand and a bottle of the finest wine. The moonlight was shining down on them and Little Johnny poured his date some wine. He handed her the glass, looked lovingly in to her eyes and said, "Now this is what I call romantic. The waves crashing on the shore, the moonlight in your eyes, a warm tropical breeze, a bottle of wine.....," he takes a sip of wine and says, "Oh and by the way... do you Spit or Swallow?" |
| In Little Johnny's classroom, the teacher gave the class a homework assignment. She wanted them to tell the class one talent that they had and that they were especially good at. The next day the Teacher calls on Mary. Mary got up and said, "I've been taking piano lessons for 2 years." The teacher told Mary that was very good. After all of the other students told about their talent, the teacher doesn't have a choice but to let Little Johnny have his turn. She doesn't want to call on him because she is scared of what he is going to say. She asked Little Johnny to tell the class about his special talent. He stood up and said, "This is my special talent..." and then he stuck his tongue out. The teacher said, "Little Johnny, I don't understand. How is your tongue a special talent?" Little Johnny said, "See this ball where my tongue is pierced? My babysitter said that was a special talent because not every boy that she baby sits for has a pussy grinder!" |