| One day Little Johnny heard his parents talking in the living room, and went out to see what was going on. They were playing the Guessing Game, so he decided to listen. "I've got something big, round, and red in my hand," said Mom. Dad shouted, "Apple!" "Nope, that's not it... it was a tomato." Now it was Dads turn. "I've got something long and yellow in my hand honey," he said aloud. "Banana!" shouted mom. "Sorry, it was a squash." The next day Little Johnny went to school and told all his friends about this new Guessing Game. At the end of class he even told his teacher. "Well, lemme try," she said. Little Johnny reached down in his pants and searched for a very long time. "Aha, I've got it! There's something hard and slick in my hand... and it even has a head!" The teacher was furious and said, "Little Johnny go to the office now!" Little Johnny was shocked at this, so he pulled out his hand and said, "Look, all I have is a quarter." |
| Little Johnny is standing on a street corner swatting mosquitoes. Every time he sees a mosquito he utters, "Fucking mosquitoes, fucking mosquitoes." Just as the boy says it, a shocked priest walks up and says, "You should not curse the mosquitoes because every one of God's creations has a purpose." Little Johnny, unmoved by the priest's objection says, "Bullshit!" "Well, tell me three things on this earth that God has made without a purpose," says the priest. Little Johnny looks at him and replies, "Tits on a nun, Balls on a priest, and these fucking Mosquitoes." |
| A teacher asks a class to name a living object that eats things ending in OR. First little boy says, "Alligator." "Very good," replies the teacher. Second little boy says, "Predator." "Yes, very good," replies the teacher. Little Johnny then says, "vibrator, Miss." Teacher replies, "That's a big word but it doesn't actually eat anything does it?" Little Johnny then says, "Well, my sister has a big one and she says it eat batteries like there's no tomorrow!" |
| In Little Johnny's classroom, the teacher gave the class a homework assignment. She wanted them to tell the class one talent that they had and that they were especially good at. The next day the Teacher calls on Mary. Mary got up and said, "I've been taking piano lessons for 2 years. The teacher told Mary that was very good. After all of the other students told about their talent, the teacher doesn't have a choice but to let Little Johnny have his turn. She doesn't want to call on him because she is scared of what he is going to say. She asked Little Johnny to tell the class about his special talent. He stood up and said, "This is my special talent." Then he stuck his tongue out. The teacher said, "Little Johnny, I don't understand. How is your tongue a special talent?!?" Little Johnny said, "See this ball where my tongue is pierced? My babysitter said that was a special talent because not every boy that she baby sits for has a pussy grinder!" |