| Little Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his college... but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $50 if you let me have you.... but the girl said NO. Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $75, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She said, "The - silly - bas - tard - used.... ooooooh - aaaaah - ooooooh - aaaaaah - oh my god - stop - stop I'll kill you if you stop - oooooaaaah - oooahh - pennies, and... I... still... got... about... fifteen... dollars....to... go, ooooooooh......" |
| One day in school, Little Johnny was learning about the weather. The teacher asked, "Class, can any one tell us what animal is usually depicted as a weather vane?" Little Johnny's said, "Yes, they use a cock as a weather vane." The teacher replied, "That's right Johnny, can anyone tell us why they use a cock?" And Little Johnny said, "Yes, if they used a pussy then the wind would whistle right through." |
| Monday was science day. Each child in class was supposed to bring something from home to show in class. First up was little Suzie. She goes to the front of the class with some bugs in a jar. Suzie said, "These are grasshoppers I found in the field behind my house. I punched holes in the lid to let them breath. They eat grass." "Very good," said the teacher, and Suzie went back to her seat. Next up was Bobby. Bobby came to the front of the class with drawing of a volcano. He explained what forms them and how the erupt. "Good job," said the teacher, and Bobbie returned to his seat. The rest of the class presented their science projects in much the same way. Eventually, all but Little Johnny had gone. The teacher reluctantly called on him to show off his project. Little Johnny came to the front of the class with a shoe box. "This is a bullfrog I found in the pond behind my house," he said. "After I caught him, I broke into my neighbor's garage and stole a fire-crackers and shoved it up his ass." "Rectum," said the teacher. "Damn right it recked him. Blew his head clean off." |
| Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils. One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole. Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer. "Look," said Mr. Dickson, quite enjoying himself while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little 'zero'. "This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole." "Ahh, right" said the children. The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, "Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in one hole." "Hmmmm," Mr Dickinson said, "How do you put 7 holes in one? Well, I'll be darned. I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?" "Yes," said Little Johnny, He asked me to tell you, 'Take a flute and shove it up your ass!'" |