| Grandpa was showing Little Johnny around the farm, and when they come to the corral, he explained, "That's a bull and a cow, and he's serving her." A little later on, they saw horses. The Grandpa said, "That's a stud and a mare, and he's serving her, too." That night at supper, after everyone was seated and grace was said, Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Will you please serve the turkey?" Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "If he does, I'm eating a hamburger!" |
| Little Johnny went to the first day of kindergarten and sat down. His teacher went around the room and was asking every boy and girl his or her name. When she got to Johnny he said, "My name is Little Johnny, but they call me 'Bonnie' and that pisses me off." Sensing some anger she said to Little Johnny, "This is kindergarten Johnny, we don't talk like that." Then she went around and asked everyone his or her address. When she got back to Little Johnny he said, "I live on Third Street but they call it 'Turd Street' and that really pisses me off." She said, "Little Johnny I want you to meet me after class at my desk." "Yes ma'am." Little Johnny said. So he meets her at the desk. The teacher says, "You seem like a smart little boy can you tell me what this means?" Then she pulls up her dress. He says, "Of course I can. That means you wanna diddle and I'm too little and that really pisses me off." |
| The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class: "Mary had a little lamb, Whose fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, The lamb was sure to go." She explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from - "the lamb was sure to go," to - "the lamb went with her." A few days later, she asked for an example of poetry or prose. Johnny raised his hand and said: "Mary had a little pig, An scrawny little runt. He stuck his nose in Mary's Clothes, And smelled her little..." He stopped, turned to the teacher, and asked, "Do you want poetry or prose?" "Prose!" the teacher said weakly. So Johnny said, ".... Asshole." |
| The neighbours had come over for dinner at Little Johnny's place. As they sat down for dinner, father asked Little Johnny to do the prayers. Johnny replied, "But dad, I'm scared." His Dad told him to just be honest and say what he felt best. So as everyone joined hands, Johnny began: "Dear Lord, thank you for bringing the kid who ate my cookies. Please bless them him with food so that he doesn't take mine. Also forgive his elder brother who undressed my sister and started wrestling with her. I'm sure he won't do that again. Speaking of clothes, I want you to bless all the naked women on my dad's phone with clothes. Seriously, they need it. And lastly, I want you to provide shelter to the homeless man who sleeps with my mom when dad goes to work. Thank you." No one had dinner that day. |