| The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first." "What a wonderful answer!", the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet." The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?" Little Johnny said, "'Well, I walked past Mom and Dad's bedroom the otsher night. Mom had her legs up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God! I'm coming, I'm Coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, I reckon we'd have lost her." The nun had to leave the room. |
| Little Johnny and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of the cooler. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?" Little johnny answered, "No!" Grandpa said, "Then you're not man enough to have a beer." A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?" Little Johnny answered no, again. Grandpa said, "Then your not man enough to have a cigar." A little later, Little Johnny came out of the house with a cookie. Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?" Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go f**ck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me." |
| A teacher was giving her six-year-olds class their first lesson about the birds and the bees. "When you grow up, you will get married and after about a year, a bird called a stork will fly in through the window and deliver a baby." A hand goes up at the back of the class. "Yes, Little Johnny?" the teacher asks. "Are you sure you're right about the stork Miss?" "Yes Little Johnny, why do you ask?" "Well, my sister's got a baby and SHE TELLS ME, she got hers from a shag on the beach." |
| Johnny was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids,when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. "Well, dear, it's called sexual intercourse." "Oh," Little Johnny said, "OK," and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you." |