| Little Johnny is delivering newspapers. He knocks on a door and says to the lady, "I'm collecting today... that'll be five dollars." She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but I'll gladly give you some great sex instead." Little Johnny agrees, "All right." He walks in and the lady undoes his pants and pulls them down. To her surprise, she sees the biggest penis she's ever seen. Little Johnny then reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a handful of washers, and begins sliding them onto his penis. The lady says, "You don't have to do that... I can take all of it." "Not for five bucks you can't," replies Little Johnny. |
| Little Johnny walked into class sporting a black eye. The teacher was concerned and asked, "How did you get that?" Little Johnny explained, "Our house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad all have to sleep in the same bed. Last night my dad asked, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' When I said 'No', he slapped my face and gave me a black eye." The teacher said, "The next time your dad asks if you're sleeping, keep dead quiet and don't answer." The following morning Johnny came back with two black eyes. The teacher, by now very worried, asked, "My god, why have you now got two black eyes? I thought I told you to say nothing." Johnny replied, "Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my dad and my mum started moving, you know, at the same time, and mum was breathing heavily, kicking her legs about and squealing like a hyena. Then my dad asked mum, 'Are you coming?' Mum said, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' Dad answered, 'Yes!' "They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, 'Wait for me, I'm coming too...' and that's when my dad said, 'You little bastard...' and he punched me in the other eye." |
| During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny said, "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner." The teacher fainted... |
| Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Johnny. "Nope," replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?" Again Jimmy said, "Nope." "You didn't steal it, did you?" asked Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty''. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me." Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily, "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet." |