| "Doc, I can't sleep anymore," the man complained. "I've tried everything, but I just toss and turn." "You have to learn to relax," the doctor said. "Try putting each part of your body to sleep separately." That night the guy crawled into bed, got comfortable and started to talk to his body. "Toes, go to sleep," he whispered. "Feet, go to sleep. Legs, go to sleep. Hips, go to sleep. Stomach, go to sleep" Just then his wife walked in wearing a transparent teddy. Her husband opened one eye, then lifted his head from the pillow. "OK," he shouted, "up, up... everybody up!" |
| A husband and wife were on a TV contest. All that was required of them was to answer the same five questions the same way and they win a week long cruise. With his wife in the soundproof booth, the husband went first. His first question was, "What did your wife wear on your first date?" He answered, "A red dress." The second was, "Where did you go on your first anniversary for a meal?" He answered, "Red Lobster." The third question,: "What was the color of your first car you bought as a couple?" He was relieved that he new the answer, "Red," he said smugly. His forth question, "WHEN was the last time you two had sex?" That, he was proud to answer, "Today! It was this morning, before I left for work." His last question, "WHERE was the last place you two had sex?" With a chuckle, "On the kitchen table after breakfast," he said with a great cheesy grin. Now it was the wife's turn. She answered the first three questions without hesitation. The forth question kind of threw her. She was sheepish to say, "This morning?" The fifth and last question of... "WHERE did you last have sex?" produced silence a great red blush on her face. "This is for a nice trip, just one more correct answer is all we need" said the presenter. "No way! My parents are watching." "So what? This is for that cruise that you said you always wanted to go on," begged the presenter. The studio audience are laughing their heads off. "Come on Honey. Just tell them where. Please!" begged her husband. " All right!" she said. After a long pause she finally answered... "In the ASS." |
| Sales Guy was selling a TV to a middle aged man and his wife. Sales Guy: So it's between the 32 and the 34 inch TV, right? Husband: Yes, but I don't understand the difference between them. Sales Guy: Well, they have the same specifications all the way down the line. One is just bigger. Husband: Who in the hell would pay almost Rs.10,000 more for two more inches? Wife: I would! |
| The loneliness of a middle-aged man and woman - both divorcees, eventually blossomed into love and finally marriage, but the wedding night turned into a real disaster. "You just do not fulfill me sexual expectations," the bride commented the following morning. You're right about that." replied the new husband. "But when I promised to fill the void in your life, I simply had no idea that it would be so blooming large!" |