| Greg thought he would give Keli a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him. "What color?" they asked. Greg settled for white. "How much does it cost?" Greg asked. "Twenty-four dollars." "Expensive, but ok," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea. "Now Greg, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?" "No," he said, "nothing like that." "Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles." He thought long and hard, pictured Keli in his mind, and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?" |
| Husband tells wife that he is going for a 3 day church conference. Wife packs his bag, prepares breakfast for him and says, "Darling, let's pray together before you leave." Husband says, "Yes." Wife prays loudly, "Oh Lord! Grant my husband travelling mercies." Husband: "Amen!" Wife: "Oh Lord! Let my husband's mind not waver. Let him become impotent, if he commits adultery." Husband: Silent ! Wife: "Oh Lord! If he commits any adulterous act, let him not come home alive." Husband silent. Now starts sweating! Wife: "Oh Lord! If he cheats his wife, kill him..." Husband: "Oh shut up! I am no longer going! The holy spirit just told me that the meeting is cancelled!" |
| Maury was catching a lot of his ribbing from his buddies in the bar. "You got 17 kids?" exclaimed Pauly, "why you orta hold back a little bit and think of your poor wife." "But I DO think of her, but it's really her fault we got so many kids. She's deaf as a post!" "Pardon me," harrumphed The Old Professer, "but what does her deafness have to do with this outrageous number of kids?" "Well," says Maury, "we get in bed at night, and I whisper, 'You wanna sleep or what?' And she always answers, 'WHAT?' " |
| Troy, at the advance age of 72, got married and the marriage was the talk of the town. More so, because his bride was only 23. They checked into a beach resort in the Maldives for their honeymoon and the resort was abuzz with gossip. Next morning, Troy walks into the resort's dining area looking ever so fresh. He ordered a big breakfast and joked with everyone. When his young bride walked into the dining hall after some time, she looked pale and tired. She ordered some tea and that's all she had. She hardly spoke to anyone. Old Troy left the dining room, and the waitress, not wanting to miss the opportunity asked her, "The old man looks so refreshed while you look so fatigued. Is everything all right?` The young girl said, "This man took me for a ride. Before our wedding, he told me he had saved up for 40 years. You can't blame me for thinking it was money he meant." |