| On his honeymoon, a very thick redneck farmer, Billy Joe, insisted on having a room at the luxury hotel with a balcony overlooking the sea. On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged from the bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie. "Hey Billy Joe, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting for you to savor for the first time" she said coyly. "No thanks, I want to sit out here," he said. So Daisy sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after which she invited Billy Joe once more to come in off the balcony to take pleasure of her virginal body. Once more he refused. Eventually Daisy grew tired of waiting and she retired to the wedding bed and fell asleep. In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony. "Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have been making love all night?" she asked. "Well my pa said the first night of my marriage would be the most beautiful night of my whole life and I didn't want to miss a moment of it." |
| Back when Prince Andrew first became engaged to Fergie, he spoke to his father, "Fergie assures me she is a virgin. How will I know if she is?" "It's simple, son" replied Prince Phillip. "On your honeymoon night, when you get into bed, if she's clumsy, nervous, makes mistakes and is not sure what to do, then you can be fairly sure she's a virgin. But if she gives you instructions and tells you what to do, you'll know she's a lying slut who's slept around." After the honeymoon, Phillip asked, "How was it son?' "Just great, Father" said Andrew. "It was just the way you said... and no doubt about it - she's definitely a virgin." "Was she nervous, son?" asked Phillip. "She sure was Father" Andrew replied. "In fact she was so nervous and confused that when we jumped into bed, instead of putting the pillow under her head, she was in such a state she jammed it under her arse!" |
| The Rabbi in a small town in the old country died. His widow, the Rebbetzin, was disconsolate for months until the people of the village decided she should remarry. The town was so small that it only had one eligible bachelor, the butcher. The Rebbetzin was concerned because she had been wed to a scholar, but this butcher had little education. But, as she was lonely, she agreed, and soon they were married. After the marriage, on the next Friday she went to the mikvah and then home to light the candles. Her new husband leaned over and said, "My mother taught me that after the mikvah and before lighting the candles, it's good to have sex." So they did. She then lit the candles and he again leaned over to her and whispered, "My father taught me that after lighting the candles, it's good to have sex." So they did. After saying their prayers, they went to bed, but when they awoke the next morning, he said, "My grandmother taught me that before going to synagogue, it's good to have sex." So they did. After praying all morning, they came home to rest and again he whispered, "My grandfather taught me that after praying, it's good to have sex." So they did. On Sunday she went shopping and ran into an old friend who asked, "So? How is the new husband?" She replied, "Well, he's no scholar, but he comes from a wonderful family!" |
| Sheila and George were spending the first night of their honeymoon in a quaint medieval town in France. To add piquancy to the evening, Sheila suggested coyly that they make love every time the old night watchman rang his hourly bell. George smiled in delight at this prospect, but four rings later he pretended that he had to go out to get some cigarettes and staggered off to the watchman's tower. "Listen, old man," he wheezed to that worthy, "do me a favor, will you? For the rest of the night, ring that bell of yours at two-hour intervals instead of hourly!" "Ah," replied the ancient watchman, fingering his mustache, "I would be happy to oblige, monsieur, but I cannot do this." "Why not?" George demanded. "I'll give you money, if that's what's troubling you!" "Not at all," the old man responded. "You see, a beautiful young lady has already bribed me to ring the bell every half hour." |