| One night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife. "How lovely, Dear," she said. "What's the occasion?" "I want to make love to you," he said simply. "Not tonight, Dear. I have a headache," answered his wife. The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and explained that he wanted to make love with her. "I'm awfully tired, Honey," said his wife. "Not tonight." Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his wife's answer was no. Finally he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife. "How adorable, Jerry!" she exclaimed. "But what are they for?" The husband replied, "These are six little pallbearers for your dead Pussy. |
| Dad came home one day in an exceptionally hot mood and took his wife upstairs for some fun. Just when they were really getting into it, their young son entered the room and started to cry. "What's wrong, son?" the father asked. "Why are you crying?" "You're hurting my mommy," the little boy replied. "No, no," the father reassured. "I'm not hurting her. We are making babies." This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple went back to their business. The next day the father came home from work and found his son on the steps, crying. "What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad. "It's those babies you were making with Mommy yesterday," the boy answered. "The mailman is upstairs eating them!" |
| The wife appeared before the judge and said, "I want a divorce from that jerk over there." The judge said, "Why do you want the divorce?" "Because he's a terrible lover." The judge asked, "How long have you been married?" "Fourteen years," she replied. "I don't understand. Why did you wait fourteen years to divorce your husband for being a terrible lover?" She said, "Because, your Honor, until this insurance salesman stopped by my house last week, I didn't know the difference." |
| This guy has been married for about 6 months when he runs into a guy from his wedding party. The guy asked him how married life was treating him. The married guy replied, "Great except for one problem, our sex life. Everytime I am getting off, she isn't, and every time she is, I'm not. We are frustrated because we heard it is so much better when you get off at the same time." The guy from the wedding party replied, "There is a simple solution to that. The next time you are and she's not, give her a little jab in the stomach. For some reason that makes women get off." Even though it was against his better judgement, the married man promised to try it, and the two parted their ways. About 3 months later, by chance they met up again, and of course the guy is eager to find out what had happened. He said, "Hey, is everything better on the home front?" The married man replied, "Not exactly! I did exactly as you told me to. I was getting ready to get off, so I jabbed her in the stomach. She farted and pissed in my face and almost bit my dick off!" |