| A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day, the wife feeling badly about what happened, decided to buy her husband a gift. Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop at the club where he usually played golf. The wife talked with the pro, and he suggested a putter and showed her one of his finest. "How much is it?" she asked. "One-hundred and fifty dollars," he replied. She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so. "But it comes with an inscription," the pro said. "What kind of inscription?" she asked. "Whatever you wish," he explained. "But, one of the old golfers' favorites is: 'Never Up, Never In'." "Oh, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what started the argument in the first place." |
| When Felix, the regional sales manager for a machine tools company, got home from the office, his wife couldn't help noticing that his tie was loose, his fly unzipped, his hair disheveled, he smelled of perfume, and his collar was covered with lipstick. "Rough day at the office" she commented. "Not too bad," he said nonchalantly. "Had to break in a new sales associate, but I think she'll work out." "Does she take shorthand" asked his wife. " "No," blurted Felix, "but she gives it." |
| The loneliness of a middle-aged man and woman - both divorcees, eventually blossomed into love and finally marriage, but the wedding night turned into a real disaster. "You just do not fulfill my sexual expectations," the bride commented the following morning. You're right about that," replied the new husband. "But when I promised to fill the void in your life, I simply had no idea that it would be a drive in for trucks!" |
| A rich man and poor man are at a bar, the rich man turns to the poor man, "Iit's my 10 year wedding anniversary on Tuesday." The poor man looks astonished, "It's my 20 year wedding anniversary on Thursday! What are you planning on getting her?" The rich man goes, "I'm getting her a diamond necklace and a Mercedes Benz." The poor man, looking confused, asks, "Why both? Isn't one or the other surely enough?" The rich man responds, "Well, I figure if she doesn't like the necklace, she still has a nice car. What are you getting your wife?" The poor man looks down, "I'm getting her a pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich man is taken aback, "Slippers and a dildo, that's an odd combination?" The poor man looks up, "Well, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself." |