| The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened ?" she asks anxiously. "What happened!!!" "I'll tell you what happened. I sent an e-mail to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found ? Yes, your daughter, my Jean, with a naked guy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" "Calm down, calm down!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I 'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "I told you there must be a simple explanation..... she didn't receive your email." |
| A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. "Out drinking again!?" she says. "How much money did you spend this time?" "$100," answers the man. "$100!" she shouts. "That's ridiculous, spending that much in one night!" "Easy for you to say," he replies. "You don't smoke, you don't drink, and you have your own pussy." |
| A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse. "Every Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday," she says. The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday. "I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband, and those 3 minutes sure are not tiring me out. |
| Kissing/Light Petting What he hopes she's thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!" What he's afraid she's thinking: "Garlic breath--ewwww!" Undressing What he hopes she's thinking: "My God, look at the SIZE of THAT!" What he's afraid she's thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!" Foreplay/Oral Sex What he hopes she's thinking: "I could worship at the alter of your impressive manhood for hours." What he's afraid she's thinking: "If he doesn't warn me before he cums, I'm going to kill him." Penetration What he hopes she's thinking: "You stallion, you're splitting me in half!" What he's afraid she's thinking: "Is it in yet?" Your Orgasm What he hopes she's thinking: "Yes, (his name here), yes!" What he's afraid she's thinking: "I deserve an Academy Award for this performance." What he's even more afraid she's thinking: "Yes, (other guy's name here), yes!" Postcoital Bliss What he hopes she's thinking: "Now I know what an earthquake feels like." What he's afraid she's thinking: "Maybe I should let my lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only dance club after all." |