| A couple had been divorced for about 6 months, but still remained good friends. This worked out pretty good since the both lived in the same apartment building. One day he slipped on the ice and broke his arm. Later he met his ex-wife in the elevator and she asked if there was anything she could do to help. He responded, "Well yes, if it's not to much trouble, could you help me take a bath?" She readily agreed, and soon after she began washing him she saw a gradual erection began to appear. "Look John", she exclaimed happily, "It still recognizes me!!!" |
| Fred gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?" "I was out getting a tattoo," Fred replied. "A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my privates," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?" "Well, for one, I like to watch my money grow," said Fred. "Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. "Three, I like how money feels in my hand. "And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want." |
| There was a man who had a problem getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor takes all kinds of tests and finally decides that he can cure the man. The doctor tells the man to go home and wait until his wife is asleep, and then to reach down between her legs and get a little love juice on his finger and rub it under his nose, and that this would stimulate his brain and then he would get an erection. The man takes the doctor's advice and that night after his wife has gone to sleep he reaches down between her legs and gets some of her juice and he rubs it on his upper lip right under his nose. After a minute or two he starts to feel a tingling between his legs, so he grabs some more juice and rubs it under his nose. The next thing he knows he has a full erection. He is real excited he wakes up his wife to share in the good news. He wakes her up and says look what I have. She rolls over and looked at him and says, "You wake me up at two in the morning to show me that you have a Bloody Nose???" |
| Bill O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" Bill said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, Bill!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of Bill's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Bill won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come." |