| "Hello?" "Hi honey. This is Daddy....... Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you don't have an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now." Brief Pause.... "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone, "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead." ***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause*** ***Even Longer Pause*** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-57311?" |
| A young, naive new bride went to lunch with an older more experienced girlfriend from work soon after returning from her honeymoon. Her newfound friend was enquiring how she was enjoying married life? "Well," the new bride responded, "I'm a bit concerned cuz my husband has this habit of falling asleep with his erect penis inside of me." "Is that a problem for you?" her girlfriend asked. The response was, "Well, the problem is he walks in his sleep!" |
| One man comes home from work and can't find his wife. He is looking for her all over town, calls all her friends, publishes her picture in the paper, but in vain. After two days of searching he returns home and finds his lost wife sitting in the kitchen eating a big plate of pasta. "You're alive?" he shouts and covers her with kisses, "I was so worried about you, where have you been all this time?" "Five men kidnapped me," replied the woman, "Made me into their sex slave for a whole week." "It's horrible my dear!" cries the husband, "But wait, you disappeared only for two days!" "I know!!" replied the woman, "I came back for just a shower and to eat something." |
| Moanin' Mike is sitting in his local bar with his buddies, sharing a beer and bragging about his sex life. Moanin' says, "I have great sex with my wife. She's very vocal, she can really rattle the windows, and most of it really turns me on. I love it when she screams, 'Harder!' I love it when she screams, 'Faster!'" "Man, you lucky dog!" Says his one buddy. "But come on and tell the truth, isn't there sometimes a problem with your sex life?" "The only problem I have..." Moanin' said dejectedly, "Is when she screams... 'Deeper!'" |