| I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a Huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ My own private secretary. "Well you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly," she said. "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have sex with." "That's fair enough," I replied. "When can you start?" |
| A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers." she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family." With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!" She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes." |
| Woke up this morning, got dressed and went in the kitchen where my wife was already fixing breakfast. I looked to see what she was cooking, and I see one of my socks in the frying pan. "What are you doing?" I asked her. "I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied. Completely puzzled, I walked away thinking to myself................"I don't remember asking her to cook my sock." |
| A few years ago, Todd and his now ex, are throwing a dinner party and Todd, who is very thin and bony, is walking around the house wearing only his boxers. His wife comes out of the kitchen and says, "Hey, the guests are gonna be here any minute. Go and put something on." "No, I won't," Todd says. "I want everybody to see just how well you feed your husband." "Really?" she replies. "Then take your boxers off, too, and show everyone that there is really nothing there that I should feed you for." |