| An Army Battalion was having a cocktail party to welcome the new Brigade Commander. A circular was sent out to all: "Cockfail at 7 PM sharp at the Officers Mess." The Commanding Officer saw the spelling mistake and asked the Adjutant to amend it. The Adjutant did and now it read: "Refer to circular, read tail, instead of fail cock stands, as it is." |
| A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. "Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave." "Yes sir," the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. "Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked. A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?" "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies. "Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks. The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of." |
| When his son refused to get a job, his father insisted he join the Marines. At the induction physical, the doctor directed the reluctant naked recruit to read the eye chart across the room. "What chart?" the young man asked. "The one on the wall!" The doctor said. "What wall?" Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, the doctor asked his beautiful nurse to walk in naked. "What do you see now?" "Nothing." "Well, you may not see anything," the doctor said, "but your 'indicator' is pointing toward Paris Island ! Welcome to the Marine Corps, son. |
| An Army Lieutenant Colonel, while on reconnaissance of his area of responsibility, was going alone through a forest one evening when his jeep broke down. He looks around and finds a lone house. He knocks the door which is opened by a stunning woman. Lt. Col: Can I spend the night at your place? Woman: Well, I live alone. Lt. Col: I'm an honourable man, a Lieutenant Colonel in the Army. Woman: I got only one bed. Lt. Col: No problem. I'm an honourable man. Woman: I go to bed naked. Lt. Col: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a Lieutenant Colonel. Woman: Be my guest, Lieutenant Colonel. The woman was expecting that the Lt Col will try to take advantage and remained awake but to her bad luck nothing happened as the Lt Col honoured his word and instead enjoyed a good night's sleep. Next morning while leaving, the Lt Col finds the woman busy with her poultry. Lt. Col: Good birds you got there Ma'am. Woman: Yeah. Lt. Col: How many cocks and how many hens? Woman: One hundred hens, but only one cock. Lt. Col: But.... I can see over a dozen cocks around. Woman: Only one cock out there. The others are Lieutenant Colonels !!! |