| A man walks into the Election office in Leeds and says to the Receptionist, "I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an independent candidate." Receptionist, "Certainly sir, no problem. Please fill in this Form." He was filling the Form until he came to the question, "Are you circumcised?" So he asked the Receptionist, "Is that question necessary?" Receptionist, "If you are circumcised you are not eligible." He asked what difference it would make if he was circumcised? Receptionist, "To become a genuine politician, you have to be a complete prick." |
| Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife. |
| Indian VIPs on the hit list have been sent an elaborate set of do's and don'ts to elude terrorists on their trail. Of these the most important are not to follow a regular routine but vary their timings and change their habits often as possible, e.g. don't go for your morning or evening walk at the same time to the same park, don't go to the same hotel or restaurant every day etc. To these precautions, a wit who knows the habits of Indian politicians added: "Don't sleep in the same bed with the same person every night." |
| A foreign diplomat was sitting beside a very beautiful blonde who possessed all the social graces. During the course of the dinner, he put his hand under the table and started to feel her ankle. She gave him a brilliant smile. Encouraged, he went a little further and reached the calf of her leg with the same results. The lady smiled and he, becoming emboldened with this encouragement, went above the knees. Very soon, giving the diplomat a lovely smile she leaned and whispered in his ear, "When you get far enough to discover that I'm a man, don't change the expression on your face - I'm Secret Agent No. 13." |