| A couple were on their honeymoon, laying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I`m not a virgin." The husband replies, "That`s no big thing in this day and ge." The wife continues, "Yeah, I`ve been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well he`s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" says the wife. "I`m hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food." "Tiger wouldn`t do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He`d come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes Over to the phone. "What are you doing now?" she says. "I`m still hungry so I was going to ring room service and order some food." "Tiger wouldn`t do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He`d come back to bed and do it one more time." The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he`s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I`m calling Tiger Woods to find out what`s par for this hole !" |
| A young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village. Once she`s inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement. After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her. She`s really pleased to have met this guy. At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla. Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance. The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter. Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion! After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid. Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN. The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can`t properly see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the effect! More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself. "Just a minute,big boy," she whispers to the panting bald-headed Aussie. "I think I need to try some of your tonic!" She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid. She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-Cola. Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed - only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay team. |
| An important senator arranges to use an escort service and winds up with a beautiful japanese girl who speaks no english. They go into his hotel room and start having sex and she gets into it like there`s no tomorrow! She starts yelling the same japanese word over and over and making faces and he can tell he`s driving her crazy! He`s never had it so good. The next morning, he`s golfing with the japanese ambassador, and he makes a birdie. He suddenly remembers the word that the Japanese woman kept yelling out loud the night before, and he yells it out. The ambassador looks at him strangely, looks at the pin, and says, "no, that was the right hole." |
| A woman playing golf was stung by a bee. Afraid she`d have an allergic
reaction, she ran back to the clubhouse to find the pro. Finding him, she says breathlessly, "I`ve been stung by a bee! What shall I do?" "Where were you stung?" the pro asks. "Between the first and second hole!" "Lady, we gotta work on your stance." |